Faith in Missouri’s Haith: It could be better … and worse

Faith in Haith. Let’s hope that works out for Missouri fans, who’ve been put through the ringer (again) during the search for new basketball coach Frank Haith.

Never before has a fan base been more united in its disdain for the decision athletics director Mike Alden made to hire the former Miami coach.

But, Haith had a great opening press conference, and I expect him to do much better than most predict.

Enough of the seriousness. Here’s a look at five hires that would have been better, and five that would have been worse for the Tigers:

FIVE BETTER HIRES

JESUS

A common belief among Missouri fans is that god hates the Tigers. What better way to get on the big guy’s side than to hire his son? Plus, he did have a long NBA career …

http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-returns-to-nba,1996/

NORMAN DALE

Yes, I realize he’s 109 years old (not to mention fictitious), but he does share a name with the best coach in the school’s history …

PATCHES O’HOULIHAN

Hey, he got a group of losers to beat White Goldman …

PHIL WESTON

But only if he brings his assistant, Juice Box …

MR. MIYAGI

Anybody who convinces a guy that the crane kick can’t be defended is a genius (And “Get him a body bag” is a wildly underrated movie quote) …

FIVE WORSE HIRES

MEPHISTOPHELES (THE DEVIL)

Some Missouri fans say the Tigers sold their soul to the guy (still waiting on the return, too). And let’s be honest, Satan has a long track record of losing …

http://www.hulu.com/watch/19181/saturday-night-live-the-peoples-court

CHARLIE SHEEN

Yeah, he talks a lot about how he’s wiiiinnnninnngg, but after watching this, I beg to differ …

QUIN SNYDER

“Don’t worry about the score …” You can’t make this stuff up, folks …

DAVE BLISS

It doesn’t get much worse than organizing a smear campaign against a homicide victim who happened to play on your basketball team …

MIKE ANDERSON 

Let’s see: His team completely regressed the last two months of his final year at Mizzou, he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) recruit St. Louis, one of his star players and a great ambassador for the school (Kim English) was considering transferring if Anderson came back next season, and he couldn’t have left in a worse way. Missouri is better off without him …