Technology is great … until it isn’t. That’s all I can think after Siri took my wife and I on the “quickest” route from Paia, Hawaii, to our hotel on the western shore of Maui. Two hours (15 miles) and accelerated heart rates later, I doubt either of us will every fully trust our iPhones ever again.
Ironically, about a week before we left for vacation, Shana and I watched “11.22.63” starring James Franco and shared a good laugh when his character struggled mightily using an atlas on a trip across the United States.
Modern technology certainly beats the old way of navigating trips, but it sure as hell didn’t seem like it Sunday morning.
After two days of being blasted by a Kona low storm (an alternative term for a cyclone), we were itching to leave our resort and go, well, anywhere. We took our rental jeep from Kaanapali Beach to the location of our whale-watching tour this week to scout the parking, noting a few places where roads were flooded.
Despite the amount of water on some roadways, they weren’t closed and travel wasn’t nearly as bad as one might expect. Our next stop was to drive by the Target in Kahului, which took on more than a foot of water and is closed (and might be for a while).
After a little sight-seeing from our vehicle, Shana typed the address of our hotel and Siri did its thing, though we probably should have been more skeptical when it said, “an hour and 58 minutes to your destination.” With time to burn, we figured it’d be fun to see another part of the island.
It became very clear about 30 minutes in that this was going to be a different kind of trip. Much of the road on Highway 340 is just wide enough for two cars. Unfortunately, much of it is just wide enough for one car, and all of it is incredibly curvy.
“Just don’t look,” my wife, knowing I’m terrified of heights, said.
I never looked down. I was focused on the drive and really didn’t need to test my nerves anymore than they were already being tested. Now, I did look out once … to a deeeeeeep drop-off and all-blue backdrop of the ocean.
Though the views of the West Maui Mountains were amazing, the drive was the white-knuckler of all white-knucklers. I admittedly almost lost my shit on one section that only had room for one car, regardless of the direction. Several of us had to back up a steep incline to let two cars heading in the opposite direction by.
It didn’t help that after we backed up, a dipshit in an SUV essentially blocked us in … stopping to get out of their car and take photos. We managed to maneuver out of that ordeal, make our way down the single-lane road and get back on track.
“I really thought we were going to be stuck there for hours,” I said to my wife.
“Me, too, and we know how patient you are,” she replied.
A much-needed moment of brevity. Another one came a few minutes later when Siri randomly said, “Proceed to the route.”
“Eff you, Siri,” I said, using more colorful language than “eff.”
“That wasn’t necessary,” Siri responded.
In that moment, technology was great.
