Technology is great … until it isn’t. That’s all I can think after Siri took my wife and I on the “quickest” route from Paia, Hawaii, to our hotel on the western shore of Maui. Two hours (15 miles) and accelerated heart rates later, I doubt either of us will every fully trust our iPhones ever again.
Ironically, about a week before we left for vacation, Shana and I watched “11.22.63” starring James Franco and shared a good laugh when his character struggled mightily using an atlas on a trip across the United States.
Modern technology certainly beats the old way of navigating trips, but it sure as hell didn’t seem like it Sunday morning.
After two days of being blasted by a Kona low storm (an alternative term for a cyclone), we were itching to leave our resort and go, well, anywhere. We took our rental jeep from Kaanapali Beach to the location of our whale-watching tour this week to scout the parking, noting a few places where roads were flooded.
Despite the amount of water on some roadways, they weren’t closed and travel wasn’t nearly as bad as one might expect. Our next stop was to drive by the Target in Kahului, which took on more than a foot of water and is closed (and might be for a while).
After a little sight-seeing from our vehicle, Shana typed the address of our hotel and Siri did its thing, though we probably should have been more skeptical when it said, “an hour and 58 minutes to your destination.” With time to burn, we figured it’d be fun to see another part of the island.
It became very clear about 30 minutes in that this was going to be a different kind of trip. Much of the road on Highway 340 is just wide enough for two cars. Unfortunately, much of it is just wide enough for one car, and all of it is incredibly curvy.
“Just don’t look,” my wife, knowing I’m terrified of heights, said.
I never looked down. I was focused on the drive and really didn’t need to test my nerves anymore than they were already being tested. Now, I did look out once … to a deeeeeeep drop-off and all-blue backdrop of the ocean.
Though the views of the West Maui Mountains were amazing, the drive was the white-knuckler of all white-knucklers. I admittedly almost lost my shit on one section that only had room for one car, regardless of the direction. Several of us had to back up a steep incline to let two cars heading in the opposite direction by.
It didn’t help that after we backed up, a dipshit in an SUV essentially blocked us in … stopping to get out of their car and take photos. We managed to maneuver out of that ordeal, make our way down the single-lane road and get back on track.
“I really thought we were going to be stuck there for hours,” I said to my wife.
“Me, too, and we know how patient you are,” she replied.
A much-needed moment of brevity. Another one came a few minutes later when Siri randomly said, “Proceed to the route.”
“Eff you, Siri,” I said, using more colorful language than “eff.”
“That wasn’t necessary,” Siri responded.
In that moment, technology was great.
Siri took us on this “better” route in 2019. We were driving back from our stay in Hana to check into the resort at Kaanapali, where we would spend the rest of our trip. It turned out that the main highway on the West side of Maui had been closed earlier that week, and Siri had not received the memo that it had reopened. It was the scariest drive of my life! It made our time on the Hana highway just a few hours earlier seem like a nice Sunday outing. I’m sorry you experienced that also. I’ve never really forgiven Siri.
PS – I see here that your book was published. I need to track down a copy. You contacted me while you were researching it. I came across this just now because I was trying to find a copy of the story I wrote for the CJ that was published the morning after the funeral, but the archives seem to have a big hole during those years.
Hi, Robbie. Hope you are well. Ironic that we had similar experiences. We are grateful we were able to go to Hawaii, but neither of us has the desire to go back after enduring two cyclones in nine days.
Assuming you do get a copy, please let me know what you think. Your interview was one of my favorites, and I thought your part of the story took the book to a higher level/quality. I will email you a PDF of the article you mentioned. I have 99% of the CJ articles about Brenda.
Great to hear from you!
I would really appreciate receiving that! Thanks so much for your kind words. I’ll look forward to reading the book!
Thank you. Please send me feedback as you read.