I’ve written two of these blogs, attempting to impart wisdom unto my stepsons when they graduated from high school in 2014 and 2017. Those seemed easier than this one. Maybe it’s because they’re boys. Or maybe this one is more difficult because it’s our youngest child.
Before I get into that, I want to brag about Molly, my stepdaughter. What an awesome kid. An honor roll student. The Key Club president. A smart, giving young woman who fills my wife and I with pride. And to top it all off, she’s committed to Mizzou.
I wouldn’t say Molly and I struggled as stepdad and stepdaughter. I don’t think we’ve argued once in the nine years since I joined my wife’s family. We’ve never exchanged harsh words. I’ll also readily admit that I struggled to connect with her.
Much of that hesitation was trying to figure out how to fit in. Sometimes, it’s a delicate balance being a stepdad. What I’ve always tried to do is show the kids that I’m always here, provide stability and, most importantly, demonstrate to them how much I love their mother. The latter is important for many reasons, but in Molly’s case, my hope has always been that she learns what she should expect from any man she falls in love with.
Now, for the words of wisdom for Molly, many of which I learned from my late father:
Never let fear dictate your life: If you see something you want, go for it. Never be afraid to be great and never be afraid to fail. Life without overcoming hurdles is not life. You can accomplish anything you put your heart and mind to.
You do what makes YOU happy: I’m passing this one on from my father. I heard this often, especially when I was down or questioned an instinct. Live your life for yourself. Never live your life for somebody else, especially a man.
Explore: There is nothing wrong with being home. I’ve left home (Missouri and Kansas) several times, and I’ve always come back. Don’t be afraid to see the country and the world. If you want to live and work somewhere else, do it. I’ve had great experiences and met some wonderful people moving a long way from home. Make sure you live.
Be a person of your word: Another one from my old man and the same advice I gave your brothers: Unfortunately, you are going to find that honesty isn’t a virtue. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t practice it.
Never be with a man who doesn’t treat you like a queen: You are an awesome, sweet, smart, kind person. You deserve the best. You deserve a man who dotes on you, buys you flowers, holds your hand 10 years into marriage and makes you the centerpiece of his life. Never forget that.
Trust your instincts: Far too often, people don’t do this. More often than not, your first instinct is the best one. If you have a gut feeling, go with it. It’s the best way to avoid regret.
Work hard: Things are not going to come easily. Anything worth having is worth working for. These are cliches, but they are the truth. If you put the time in, you will be rewarded.
Speak your mind: We have a lot of work to do as a society. Women deserve better. You already know this. Never think you’re lesser than any man. When you see injustice, point it out. When you have an opinion, speak your mind.
Other words of wisdom (shared with all three kids now): CALL YOUR MOTHER. Laugh. Cry. Get to work on time. Sleep eight hours a day. Read as many books as you can. Enjoy the sunrise and sunset. Write. Visit your grandparents. Eat well. Be kind to children, older folks, animals and the less-fortunate. Travel. Try new things. Never hesitate to ask me for more of these.
Congratulations, Molly. M-I-Z!
