I’ve seen that anxiety in the eyes before. That thought ran through my mind today as we moved our daughter into her residence hall at the University of Missouri. It was a day of excitement, stress, fun and, of course, anxiety.
It reminded me of the look I saw on my face when I moved into Kansas State as a freshman in 1994. An introvert, I was terrified. The only reason I made it through a year was my roommate, who has been my best friend since eighth grade.
But Molly, our daughter, is stronger than I was back then. She’s brave, tough and kind. Her years as Key Club president at Center High in Kansas City will no doubt help her as she navigates the uneasy waters of life away from home. She’ll do great as a Tiger.
To continue the theme of writing an advice blog to our children during one of those defining moments in their lives, I offer the following to my lovely daughter Molly. These are things I learned at K-State and Washburn, which ultimately was the perfect fit for an introverted, shy kid from Southwest Missouri:
Do not be afraid: Fear is such a negative emotion. If you want something, go after it. If you have something to say, speak your mind. If you want to try something, do it. Do this, and you’ll have no regrets.
Get involved: My struggles in Manhattan had a lot to do with being tied to my room. I went to class, work and the dining hall. I went home almost every weekend. Join student organizations, go to community events and mingle in as many cultures as you can. You’ll find that you get just as much of an education there as you do in any classroom.
Be yourself: You are sweet, kind, funny and passionate. People will love you for who you are. And if they don’t, they aren’t worth your time. Don’t make the mistake many of us do and be consumed with having everybody like you.
Go to class: I somehow navigated college missing dozens of classes. Maybe I just figured writing was enough as a journalism major. Years later, I wonder why I missed those classes. One, I was paying for them. Two, there is always a chance you’ll hear something that blows your mind. Beyond that, you’ll earn more respect from your professors.
Connect with your professors: I found this challenging as a freshman, mostly because I didn’t approach them. Don’t make that mistake. Talk to them after class, meet with them when you’re struggling, ask as many questions as you need to. At any school worth attending, the professors will care about you, something that continues to be true about my alma mater to this day.
Get organized and stay organized: One of the biggest mistakes students, especially freshmen, make in college is assuming that being smart is enough. It is not. Most of the folks in college are gifted academically. Many of them are organizationally challenged and become overwhelmed. Do not procrastinate. Read the chapters you’re supposed to before class, turn in your assignments on time and study days before an exam, not the night before.
Go to the gym: I didn’t care about fitness until I was in my 30s. That was a mistake. You have access to a palace of a fitness facility. Work your mind AND your body. One of the biggest benefits of exercise is that it doubles as a stress-reliever.
Have fun: You only get a true college experience once. Go to parties (but be careful) and attend as many football and basketball games as you can. After all, the SEC plays the best college football in the country, and Missouri has a proud basketball tradition that will rekindle someday.
Don’t date anyone who doesn’t respect you: I’ve told you many times now that I tried to show you how a woman should be treated by adoring and loving your mother more than anything on this planet. Do not date a man who doesn’t bring you flowers, open the door for you and look at you like you’re the only person in the room.
Vote: Seriously, vote. We need more young people voting. It is a right. It is a privilege. It is a responsibility.
Call your mother: Your mom is your biggest fan. There is nothing she won’t do for you. Hearing your voice will make her day.
I’m proud of you, Molly. Don’t hesitate to ask me for more of these.
